(based on suggestions from @tiggyjohnson, @sulphura, @dogpossum)
You can’t catch gingerbread men like a common cold.
You’re like, running for the door. It’s okay, you can go.
Biscuit feet walk through walls and nobody notices,
legs still as scratching posts before motionless
sliding glass. Not entirely unlike a ninja.
Twenty years I’ve been fighting demons.
Nancy Ninja boys come in, six months later
the demons are pissing themselves with fear.
These breaden creatures are so cookie-cutting edge
they go out of date every three hours.
They come from a journey through time and space.
Parallel world; it’s like a gingerbread house.
All those temptations calling: ‘eat me’. The buttons!
Not the gumdrop buttons! I’m a bit confused,
who’s the bad guy here? Bread or demons?
Nothing’s worse than a ninja – they’re masters
of every style of combat. When they get drunk
they remember every burger down to the sauce,
every late night spent eating bread from a bag,
dipping it in anything runnier than bread.
You know what gets me? Hansel and Gretel
run home to tell everyone and turn peaceful communities
into vigilantes. Witches get burned. I don’t know about you
but I’m gonna go trade my cow for some beans.
No one else is seeing the funny here.
What was she gonna do, float a pencil at them?
Perhaps the ninjas need a new courier project,
they could bring the demons to us, drag them
here by their high pale cheekbones.
It could unnumb us to invite them over the threshold.
Twenty years of ginger ninjas line up at our door.
They’re delivered every three hours, we can’t ignore
the glossy pile-up of iced-on eyes, it’s everything there is.
Let them in and fairy tales are real. This hurts so much.
It's real, and sometimes it fucking hurts, but it's sort of all we have.
- @dogpossum: "drunken, misremembered misadventures"
- @sulphura: "ninjabread men"
- @tiggyjohnson: "jeans=cat scratching pole"
, line 5 - Scrubs Garden State
- 2nd stanza: Lines 1-3 - Buffy, lines 4-5 - The Mighty Boosh
- 3rd stanza: Line 1 - The Mighty Boosh, lines 2-3 - Doctor Who, line 3-4 - Shrek
- 4th stanza: Line 1-2 - Scrubs, lines 4-5 - Dylan Moran
- 5th stanza: Lines 1-5 – Buffy
- 6th stanza: Line 1 – Buffy
- 7th stanza: Line 2 – Mighty Boosh, line 3-5 -
, line 4 – Buffy Garden State
And apparently ninjabread men are really metaphors in disguise. Tasty, tasty metaphors.